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I've had to step away from blogging for a long while. Taking care of Sydney is a full time job and I stay incredibly busy. The days fly by and my precious girl will be SEVEN months old on Monday! Insanity.

If we're going to be completely honest here, I'll admit that I feel like I've been through the ringer from March 2013 until now. Quez is overseas and has been for nearly a year, adjusting to motherhood is quite the feat, and other factors have caused me a few gray hairs.

Marriage can be hard but it's especially tough when your spouse is gone more than they're home. I feel like we're constantly in some sort of readjustment period. You go from having them home every night for a year to not having them at all and it's grueling. Really grueling. There have been several arguments and deafening silences on the phone but we're making it through. Maybe I'm oversharing but at least I'm honest. I'm proud to say that we're both in a better place individually and as a couple than we were a few months ago. We remain committed to each other. I love him and he loves me. :) For better or for worse.

This deployment/unaccompanied tour has taken a toll on me. I have a little history of depression & I could feel myself very quickly falling into that black hole again once Quez left after Sydney's birth. It wasn't post partum depression. My feelings of inadequacy, tiredness, and not giving a crap had nothing to do with her. I was very careful about how I acted around her always making it a point to smile and really love on my baby during the day. Social media only got a few glimpses of how awful I was feeling. While I share quite a bit via Facebook & Instagram, there are still lots of things that I choose to leave the world in the dark about. Sure, I made a few complaints here and there but it wasn't even comparable to how miserable I was every single day. I'm aware some people may think I'm being dramatic right now. You may even be rolling your eyes. I've gotten the "at least it's not like the old days" comment, the "at least he was home for the birth and Christmas" comment and the ever so annoying "you knew what you were getting in to" comment. This gal is usually a level headed and polite person but I may or may not cut you if you say any of that to me. I can't help that the modern technological advances that we use today were not available or even invented during the wars of years past. I'm sorry that we got *extremely* lucky to bring our baby into the world together and spent Christmas as a family. I did NOT know what I was getting in to. It's overwhelming to do this by yourself; to look at daddy/daughter pictures online and know that your child won't have a daddy/daughter picture from that time in her life. It's not fun watching your baby reach these sweet milestones knowing that her daddy is missing everything. Should I look on the bright side? Absolutely. No matter how sad I am, I'm also incredibly happy that we have a healthy, beautiful, & smart little girl. Does that make the hurt hurt any less? Nope. Sometimes it hurts so bad it feel like it radiates through my bones. My body literally aches. Part of my foul mood has come from being so isolated at my parents' house. We made the decision for me to move back home because I'd be 13 hours away in Virginia with a newborn for over a year and neither one of us was comfortable with that. I'm glad we chose that because I wound up having a cesarean. There's nothing left for me in my hometown. It hasn't felt like home in a long time. I've been home for a few days shy of a year and I've seen a few people a handful of times maybe. Support was what I was missing but I'm also not the best at maintaining friendships. I've tried with a few people. Shooting texts or calling them to see if they wanted to do lunch or something but to no avail. I've outgrown several friendships, I guess. That's okay. I've found that it's hard to relate to almost anyone who isn't going through what I'm going through. It's not their fault. I'm just so wrapped up in my own hurt right now.

Virginia Beach is where I'll call home again in just a few short days. I'm looking forward to the change of scenery. I need that. I was so much more active up there. I went to a local park with walking trails very often, hung out with friends, attended pot lucks, was more active in church. To feel better, I KNOW this is what needed to be done and I'm proud of myself for making that step.

Blogging will resume regularly once we get settled in to our apartment. It's my outlet. I'm making more time for myself. I think I'm a strong person for recognizing my problem and rectifying it. There are several other things I want to work on but I'm making strides in the right direction. Until then, a few prayers for myself, Quez, and SJ would be greatly appreciated. This life is not easy. He misses us and we miss him immensely.

I still blog sometimes

Sydney is almost 4 months old, now. My last blog entry was her birth story. I barely have enough time to brush my teeth, eat a meal, or pee. Blogging has definitely taken the back burner. I miss it.

Motherhood, for me, can be summed up in two words: blissful exhaustion. There are days that I'm running on fumes but she flashes a big gummy smile and I realize "this is what life's all about". She has a predictable schedule and has been on the same schedule since she was close to 7 weeks old with a bedtime of 8pm, a bottle at 3-4am, and then she's up for the day between 7 & 8 am eating every 3 hours during the day. I'm amazed at how fast she's grown. Just a few weeks ago, she was in my tummy. It's so strange to see something that was just inside of you, grow and thrive on the outside.

It's been tough dealing with our situation. There are times when I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm a one woman show and I didn't sign up for that. After all, I didn't create this beautiful baby by myself. But, duty calls and Quez signed his soul over to Uncle Sam 10 years ago and reenlisted in February of this year for another 6 years. I have no say so in the matter. Sydney and I just have to ride it out and hope for time to pass by quickly so that we can be a family again. I worry a lot; about how she'll react when he gets home. Will she push him away? Scream when he reaches out for her? Or will she recognize him from pictures and Skype and happily extend her pudgy caramel arms towards him like he had never left? We got word today that his homecoming date is July of 2014. Sydney will be nearly 1 year old when her daddy gets home. He's missing every bit of her first year.

This unaccompanied tour has tested my faith harder than any other tough time in my life. It's hard to keep a marriage afloat when you've spent more time apart than together. It's hard taking care of a baby all by yourself. It's hard being alone. Quez and I are fine but there are times when we do argue. He's hurt that he's missing out on his daughter's life. I'm pissed that he's not losing any sleep. It causes tension from time to time. We're fine, I promise. We love each other dearly but a lot of times, military spouses don't talk about how tough it can be to remain strong as a couple while you're apart. I wanted to be truthful.

When I moved back to Alabama, I was so sure that I'd have copious amounts of support and everything would be honky dory until my little family was reunited. Things were fine from March-May. That's when the newness of me being home wore off, I guess. I used to be angry that friends never texted or called to see how I was doing, offered to take me out to eat lunch, just ask me if I was okay. Now I've realized that they just don't know how to be there for me. It's partly my fault. I've never been one to call someone when I'm upset. The ones I do call are Quez and my mom. Jealousy is something I'm struggling with as well. Everyone else's lives are continuing and mine feels like it's at a stand still. My newsfeed on Facebook is eat up with family pictures at pumpkin patches, pumpkin carvings, trick or treating, hunting, or just daddies curled up on couches or in recliners with their sleeping babies. I don't think Sydney knows what "Daddy" is. That breaks my heart. I have just a few pictures of Quez and Sydney together. He left when she was 1 week old.

Over the past few months, I've been feeling like this small town, Alabama is no longer "home". It doesn't feel like home. I'm so ready to get into my own house, with my own things, and get into a routine until Quez returns. My motive for moving back home was to pay off our debt and let Sydney spend time with her grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins. Reality is, I'm not happy here. I love my family dearly but I need to get out of Alabama. It feels like there's just nothing here for me. I don't really want to be in a foreign area without anyone I know but as long as Quez's next duty station is on the east coast, Sydney and I will most likely be heading that way around Spring Break time.

Well, Sleeping Beauty has awoken from her slumber and we're going to walk around the pond. Just wanted to check in and dust the cobwebs off of my blog. Be back when things slow down a little more. Keep us in your prayers.

Sydney Jean's birth story

We went in for the big induction on July 24th at 5pm. Daddy Burd and I wound up having to wait about 45 minutes for them to mop the floors and clean up my labor room. We finally got admitted and I changed into my oh so beautiful gown. Quez was still suffering from jet lag so he passed out on the couch while I settled in for what I thought would be a long night of cervical dilation. I was catching up on my trash tv in the form of Honey Boo Boo (Don't judge me) when my WONDERFUL nurse April came in to get things going. She started my IV and hooked me up to the contraction and fetal heart rate monitor. My child has been difficult from the beginning as far as tracing her heart rate goes. It took April nearly 30 minutes to "catch" Sydney and get the monitor in a good position. She was head down, all systems were go, and my nurse walked out to get my Cytotec (a medication used for cervical ripening-which technically isn't meant for that purpose but hey..) I was supposed to begin Pitocin around 4am and Dr. Logan would come around 6-7am to break my water.

 

 

So, while April was gone to get the Cytotec I coughed and felt Sydney move. All of a sudden, I didn't hear the thumpity thump of her heartbeat on the monitor. I figured she had just "ran away" from the monitor like she always had. Wrong. Oh, I was so wrong. April comes back in to try and track this active little booger down and finds her heartrate at the top of my tummy. She decided to double check SJ's position by trying to feel her head. I was only 1cm dilated at this point. I tell you what, I thought she was going to pull my teeth out from my va-jay-jay. It wasn't super painful but it was hard to breathe, for sure. She said she didn't know what she was feeling but she was sure it wasn't a noggin. Great. April calls the ultrasound tech in to see where my child had migrated too. It was confirmed that Miss Priss had flipped back to breech. Awesome (not). Dr. Lawhon was on call that night so he came in to talk to me while April got in touch with Dr. Logan. While I'm spazzing out, Quez and Dr. Lawhon are talking Navy mumbo jumbo. Apparently Dr. Lawhon served in the Navy for 8 years. Small world. They check my blood pressure right before Dr. Logan comes for my cesarean and it's 163/103. I was FREAKING OUT about a C-section. They hook me up to a bag of antibiotics and fluids since I was Strep B positive. Dr. Logan shows up and gives me a big hug and tells me that Sydney has been a stinker since day one and that this has only happened to her twice in her whole OB career (the head down to breech during induction fiasco). While they're prepping me, my other nurse Jessica is doing her best to try and make me feel better and calm down. Bless her heart. She was telling me that most of the nurses said they'd prefer a cesarean over vaginal delivery because it's an in and out thing. Jessica also told me a story about a lady who had delivered 3 days before. This lady went all natural and tore all the way from her biscuit to her butthole. They basically had to sew this woman a new butthole. OUCH! I'll take that cesarean over that any day! So, they shaved what little bit of hair I had on my lower belly off, washed me down with some kind of surgical antiseptic soap, and put on my compression leg things. I loved those. Such a nice massage. Dr. Logan and Dr. Lawhon both walk me back to the O.R. That's when things went fast and some details are a little hazy. I've never been so drugged in my life. LOL! The nurse anesthetist and her husband, the anesthesiologist, were so incredibly sweet to me. You see, I've never had any kind of surgery in my entire life besides getting my wisdom teeth cut out. Does that even count? I don't think it does. They both explained what would be happening to me. I was apprehensive about not being able to hold Quez's hand during the spinal but I trusted them. Dr. Logan held me while the nurse anesthetist rubbed my spine (REALLY hard) to find that space she was aiming for. They shot me a few times with lidocaine and then I had the big poke. She hit a nerve on my left side and my leg jumped. It scared me so I began to cry. Then it happened again. That time I did that silent cry. You know the ones where babies cry so hard they make no sound until you blow in their face or they catch their breath? Yep, that was me. Dr. Logan wiped my tears and put her forehead to my forehead. She said, "It's been a terrible week for you, I know it has. You deserve to cry, Hannah. Let it out. You're almost done. You're almost done." I love her so much. The spinal was in! YAY! They made me lay back really quickly so that the numbness could spread. They cathed me (which I was scared of and there was nothing to it) and hung up the blue curtain so that I couldn't see my innards. Dr. Logan said "Can you feel me pinching you?" I couldn't feel a thing. Cesarean began. They let Quez in then. I guess that me being drugged makes me super chatty because I was asking all kinds of questions. My head began to hurt so I asked if that was normal. I got shot up with something for that. I asked if I was supposed to feel nauseous and I got shot up with something for that. I didn't know my rear end from my kneecap at that point. Dr. Lawhon says, "Your baby's almost here, Hannah!". At 8:09pm, Sydney Jean entered the world and melted her parents' hearts.

 

 

 

 

The most perfect 6 pounds 1 ounce and 18 inch long baby in the world even if she looked like she had been doused with mozzarella cheese. Since she was 2 weeks and 4 days early, she was covered in vernix. They let Quez bring her over to me before they whisked her off to the NICU because of her rapid breathing. I made Quez go with Sydney. Both Dr. Logan and Dr. Lawhon assured me that SJ would be just fine and that she was in good hands. I needed to talk to help cope with the fact that my daughter was in the NICU. We talked about what Dr. Logan had for dinner, why she chose to only have one kiddo, and what I was going to eat when I got to recovery haha! For some strange reason, I asked "What are you going to do with my placenta?". Dr. Logan said, "Well, you didn't have any major problems so it won't be going to pathology. We just send it to be incinerated. Why? Do you want it?" I said, "Heck no! I'm not one of those hippies who grinds it up into a smoothie or dries it out like jerky and encapsulates it!". Everyone in that OR was laughing at me. I'm a hoot, what can I say. I get all stitched up and I thank my AWESOME doctors. They somehow lugged my lard tail onto the bed headed to recovery. Some of the pain meds were making me convulse. I literally felt like I was seizing. Also, the morphine made me itch like the dickens. I don't remember much about the hour I was in recovery. They finally move me to my post partum room. I had another really awesome nurse named Tina. She brought me food. ;) She gave me Toradol. It took about 2 minutes for me to puke that up. I forgot to tell her that pain meds make me vomit. She gave me Phenergan and that knocked me off my socks. Quez and I were finally about to pass out around 11pm. The neonatologist came in around 2am to update us on Sydney's condition in the NICU. They weren't going to move her to well baby nursery for at least 24 hours because of her breathing. That was discouraging but the Dr. said she looked great and was absolutely beautiful. She said the NICU nurses were having a ball with all of her hair. :) Around 6am, Tina came in and took off my compression leg things, took out the cath, and helped me up out of bed. I didn't realize just how much I used my tummy muscles to do anything. O U C H! Walking felt very strange too. I wasn't numb but it still felt.....weird. I don't know how else to describe it. We called the NICU to see if we were allowed to come see Sydney. I had only seen her for 5 minutes and I was so drugged then that it felt like a dream. It was shift change so we had to wait. I walked to the end of the hallway and had to get Quez to wheel me the rest of the way to the NICU. I'm telling you, that first day after my cesarean was kind of brutal. I was finally able to see and hold my precious girl.

 

 



I wasn't able to spend much time in the NICU with her. The Toradol and Phenergan had me falling asleep sitting up. By Friday, the neonatologist felt like Sydney could go home with me on Saturday so he said she could spend all day in the room with me and room in that night. I was SO happy! By this time, I was off Toradol and Phenergan so I wasn't higher than Snoop Dogg.

Saturday morning came and we were due to be released. Our super sweet favorite NICU nurse, Stacey, came and got Sydney around 6am to give her a bath, feed her, and take out that stinking IV. Around 10am, they let me go and gave me my baby. We were free! :)

Life as a mother has been nothing short of amazing. I was not prepared for how much I love her. I loved her from the moment that I knew I was pregnant but seeing her, holding her, touching her, kissing her made me love her to my very soul. I cried and cried and cried from Thursday afternoon until Saturday morning. I just could not believe that Quez and I made something so perfect and beautiful. I knew from the moment I held her in my arms that I would do any and every thing for her. You always hear about a "mother's love". How unconditional and deep it is. You can't possibly know what it's like unless you're a mother. It is the most amazing feeling in the entire world.

 

Here are a few more snapshots from her first few days of life.

 

After struggling with a diagnosis of unexplained infertility, many prayers, an ocean's worth of tears, and a lot of heart ache, we FINALLY have our baby. Our precious Sydney Jean. Quez and I are so blessed and love this little stinker more than our own lives. Thank you, God, for this perfect blessing and for trusting us with her.

Two years!

• I still think that Quez is the most genuinely good hearted person I know. 
• He's also a jerk. If I don't fold the clothes, he'll do it. BUT he'll fold all of my clothes inside out. Yep. 
• We have the most fun together no matter where we are. We find some way to pick on each other and it's always hilarious.
• He won't go to bed without me. Bless his heart, he'll sleep on the couch in the living room until I'm done watching a show. 
• I can't go to sleep before him because I'd be up all night. He snores SO LOUD. 
• He hugs me and kisses my forehead and I still get all weak kneed. 
• He holds my hand everywhere we go and I love it. :) 
• Sometimes he has rough days at work but he NEVER takes it out on me and he doesn't really talk about it either. 
• That man is crazy about his family and mine. One of the many reasons why I love him. 
• I am only 28 weeks pregnant and our baby girl already has her Daddy wrapped around her tiny little fingers. He is so in love with her.
• Quez is my best friend and I'm his. We tell each other any and everything. He knows every single detail of my life and loves me anyway. 
• He went to go see the last Harry Potter movie with me and held me when I cried because it was all over. LOL!
• I'm insane and freak out over every little thing. He's like Xanax. He calms me down.
• Y'all, he prays with me and for me. I've never had that. 
• Most importantly, he loves me and I love him. 

May 6, 2011- I became his Mrs. Every single day with him is a blessing. I love you, Quez and I'm looking forward to a million more days with you. 

.....on paying off debt and cash envelopes

Debt sucks. Anyone with a pulse knows that. You may have no debt, very little debt, or you may be like us and up to your eyeballs in it.

Once we discovered that we were expecting, I felt this overwhelming desire to get us completely out of debt.  I didn't want our debt to take away from things we could do or get for our baby. This debt I'm speaking about is not a small amount. It was enough to make me want to bang my head on a desk repeatedly or kick & scream like a toddler. We're talking double digit grand.

The ONE good thing about Quez's career is that deployment or any other kind of overseas tours means a little more money for us. We decided that we were going to make the most of this bull crap, unexpected, stupid  nearly 16 month separation by paying off these costly bills.

I had heard lots of wonderful things about a man named Dave Ramsey, a financial guru. I decided to visit his website a few months back and what he had to say made a lot of sense. It was a good plan so I put that plan to action. We sat down and looked at our bank statement. We wrote down what Quez got paid, what bills came out when, and made allotments for other expenses such as gas, groceries, date night, etc. I'm the type that has to write something out to remember it. Mama Burd is a list maker for sure. Our budget gets written out every single month because a standard budget doesn't really work for our family and I am not a fan of excel or other computer programs  Different months have different expenses because of birthdays or various holidays.

So far since he's been in the desert, we have paid off our king size mattress, Walmart credit card, care credit bill, and HIS CREDIT CARD! We're both very proud of the other expenses we paid off but that credit card and care credit were the most expensive thus far. All of that combined is nearly $8,000 worth of debt that we no longer have to fret about. THANK YOU, LORD! We're using Dave Ramsey's "debt snowball" method to pay all of this junkity junk off. The concept is simple, really. You just list all of the debts that you owe and pay them off from the least amount to the biggest amount. I love Dave's 7 Baby Steps to Financial Peace. We're only on baby step #2 but we're well on our way to financial peace. Next debt to pay off is my student loans. We're crossing our fingers that we'll be done with those 3 beasts by April of next year (That's nearly $20,000! YUCK!). The only thing we'll have to conquer after that is my car payment. You don't even want to know how much we were forking out on bills each month. We've eliminated 4 in just a few months! I am so proud of Quez for being such a wonderful provider and I'm proud of me for being such a kick butt budgeter.

I am fully aware that we're blessed to be able to pay all of this off so quickly and that this isn't realistic for most people. I am incredibly grateful that my parents are letting me stay in their house relatively rent free, minus the power bill. We wouldn't be able to do this without them. Thank you, Mama & Daddy!

We've also adopted the cash envelope system as a way to save money and really concentrate on what we're spending the moolah on.*I used to use regular paper envelopes but I eventually grew tired of the million paper cuts. I ordered fabric envelopes from etsy. I ordered her basic envelopes, not the more expensive cute ones. Here's the link to the shop I ordered them from: click here. I was very much taken aback when I realized how much we were basically wasting. Yikes! The cash envelope system is where you have a certain amount of envelopes in various categories with an allotment of money in each envelope for each category. Your categories are whatever you want them to be. Ours are: Groceries, gas, gifts, household supplies, leftover money, and fun money. Quez gets paid biweekly so I budget that way. To give you an idea on how we work it out, here's the amount of cash I put in each envelope:
Groceries: $150 (I normally only spend $60-$70 per week at the store but I allow a little more money just in case I catch a good sale on something we eat a lot of).
Gas: $80 (Once again, we don't normally use this much in gas. We do have two vehicles but my only outings are grocery or baby related outings. Also remember that this is based on a 2 week period)
Gifts: $20
Household supplies: $50 (We typically purchase our paper items such as paper plates, toilet paper, and paper towels in bulk. This category also includes cleaning products, cat litter, cat food, diapers, wipes, and personal hygiene items.)
Fun Money: $40
Left Over Money: --- (We almost always have some sort of money left over. This extra amount gets put into savings.)

This system makes sure that I don't overspend. I just grab my little envelope and calculator when I head to the grocery store. I HAVE to stick to what's in my little envelope. I don't bring my debit card so that I'm not tempted to overspend. Fool proof. Go me!

**DISCLAIMER** I currently only use 3 of the envelopes since I am living at home: groceries, gas, and left over money. My budget is obviously halved since Quez is overseas. Also, NEVER leave these cash envelopes in your car or where they can be easily accessed by anyone who may enter your home. 

....on being a SAHM

When Quez and I made the decision to try to conceive, we also had to talk about finances and if I would work again or not. Once he came back from his deployment in February of 2012 he wanted us to catch up on lost time. I didn't work. I became the domestic engineer (I love that term. lol) of the Burd's nest. We knew we wanted to try to have a baby soon as well. Our reasoning behind the decision for me to stay home is that the likelihood that he'll be gone more than he's home is great. Both he and I felt like it wasn't fair to Sydney for both of us to possibly miss those milestones. This way, I can catch all of those special moments and share them with her daddy.

The cost of childcare is I N S A N E! If I were to work, I'd basically be paying for someone else to raise my child and that makes no sense. Also, with all of these crazies in the news lately biting children, drugging them, etc daycare scares the crap out of me. I get the "adult conversation" aspect of not wanting to be a SAHM but luckily, in the military world that won't be much of a problem. More mamas stay at home than work because of the ridiculous price of childcare so that makes for lots of play groups and mom's groups. Most churches in the area also have lots of things for the kiddos to do as well. 

Being a stay at home mom is feasible. It's not too big of a financial strain (for us, anyway). Since Quez is deployed and we're not paying rent, there's extra money right now. We're being very frugal (despite my sporadic purchases for my sweet girl) while he's gone. Quez and I are working hard to watch how much we spend and save as much as possible to pay off all debt. Hopefully we'll be completely debt free, minus my car payment, by May of 2014. That's around the time he'll be back in the states from his unaccompanied tour. So far we've paid off our king size mattress, care credit, and Walmart card. This month we'll pay off his credit card and then start on my student loans. Sallie Mae can kiss my rear. Seriously, the interest rates on those things are awful. We've done really well on sticking to the budget I write up each month. No debt means more money for my SJ's college fund. Babies are expensive, y'all! If you're wondering why I don't go anywhere or do much of anything, it's because we're trying to be all Dave Ramsey-ish and not have a butt load of debt. 

There are things we can cut out. I don't know if cable will be one of those since I think he may stroke if he doesn't have ESPN or other sports channels. I'm a Netflix and Hulu girl though. We'll cut down on our phone bills as well. Straight talk is a great option. Right now, I have Verizon and my phone bill is about $150. Expensive, very expensive, but I needed a reliable phone company and lots of data. My parents live out in the middle of nowhere in south Alabama and so the internet is not reliable and most other phone companies don't have cell phone towers that reach out here. Verizon is the best as far as service is concerned. 

I also save money by making a meal plan coinciding with what's on sale at the grocery store. When we actually live together (ha!), I typically spend close to $60-$70 per week on groceries depending on when we need toilet paper and hygiene items. I make my own laundry detergent and that costs MAYBE $3 a month. I do miss the "detergent smell" but this cleans just as well and is so much cheaper. I also make my own fabric softener. Once you buy a big ole jug of vinegar, the cost is 99 cents each time you have to make a new batch. Each batch is 4 quarts (I think) and you only use a couple of tablespoons per load so it lasts forever.

I'm excited to spend all my time with my angel girl. :)  

BIG news!

There's a sweet little baby growing in my belly!!!

Talk about shocked! WHEW!

Back in July, I was 3 weeks late. We spent about $100 on tests and never got a positive. My doctor finally got me in to do a beta test. The midwife called me back the next morning to say that it was negative and that she was sending over a prescription for Provera. We were absolutely devastated. We were diagnosed with "unexplained infertility" as well. Mrs. Cynthia (my midwife) told me that if I wasn't pregnant by the end of the summer, to make an appoinment to see Dr. T again. Summer came and went and in came October. I was feeling very discouraged. We had even contacted an adoption agency to hopefully begin that process sometime soon. I made an appointment for October 29 to undergo all sorts of testing. Something in me knew that I needed to cancel it, so I did. I wanted to give myself one more month. By the grace of God, we conceived the good ole fashioned way in November! :) :) :) :) :) :)

I was supposed to start my period on December 2nd. When it was a no show, I had the mindset that it was going to be the same thing that happened to me in July. I was too scared to test. I had a regular lady business exam appointment for Dec 13 and I knew that they'd do a routine pregnancy test on me anyway so we discussed just waiting until then. Quez and I knew that getting our hopes up was dangerous. 3:30 am on December 6th, while Quez was knocked out, I couldn't take it anymore. I threw on my clothes and headed to Walmart. He had no idea I was even gone, lol. I came back and followed the directions for the test. As soon as my pee hit the test strip and before I could even sit the test down flat, it was SUPER positive. I immediately began shaking and my heart was racing. I ran into our bedroom and flipped on the lights. Quez was not happy about that. lol. Then he realized what I was saying. He CRIED in the kitchen later that evening after we told our family and friends. It finally hit him. Sweet tears. Made my heart melt.

Our family and friends' reactions were HILARIOUS!

I never thought I'd be able to conceive naturally. I just knew that we were going to have to fight like hell to have a baby of our own. God said differently. Thank you, Lord, for this wonderful blessing and for breathing life into my womb.